I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
