He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
