Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Randomize
