wat bout pragnant strippers??
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
