Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Randomize
