I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
