so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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