I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
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