I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
