I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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