Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
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