between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
