fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
