Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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