i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
