My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
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