Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
