I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize