youre lurking in front of me
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
