dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
