Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
