Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
