i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Randomize
