I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
she peed on how many people?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
