He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
