This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
