I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
