I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
