my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
In America we eat man semen.
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
