I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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