my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
