Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize