So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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