when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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