Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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