Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The ass gains better be worth it
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