My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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