Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
