Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Four minutes until I can fart!
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
