Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
