Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
