I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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