There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
