What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
