i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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