pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
