just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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