carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
