I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
