I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
