I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
