OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
