The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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