beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
