When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
