i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
