You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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