he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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