im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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