hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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