I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
