remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
