Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
You took a bar mat shot.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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