You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize