My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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