shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
The air was thick with penises
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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